Page 9 - 2016 Autumn-Winter Issue
P. 9

underscores the obligation of mourners to take control of Interested in planting your own memorial garden of
the process of remembering. The mourner “needs to take       daffodils? Brent and Becky’s, a family-owned daffodil farm
action,” he explains.                                        and distribution center in Gloucester, Virginia, offers the
                                                             following advice for success:
Many scholars argue the same. Yet every written source I
consulted before I wrote my new book, Passed and Present:       1.	 Begin by choosing a sunny spot.
Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive, either didn’t provide
any specific guidelines for remembering or failed to provide    2.	 Autumn is the best time to plant daffodils because the
enough. So this is why I wrote the book. To my knowledge,          bulbs prefer cool soil. If you’re in a southern climate,
it’s the first of its kind. Passed and Present is a practical      stick with planting jonquils or tazettas, as these
and imaginative handbook                                           daffodils are better suited for warmer temperatures.
full of ideas to keep a loved                                                                    3.	 Plant each bulb at a depth
one’s memory alive – not                                                                         of three times their height,
                                                                                                 spacing them three times
Remembering promotes healing andonly this holiday season –                                       their width apart.
                                                                                                 And, one last and very
but any time of year, day or

taking proactive steps to keep yournight, whenever you feel that
significant and recognizable   child’s memory alive has the power important note:
pull.                                                                                       Planting daffodils happens
Nature is one of the greatest           to make you happier.                                to be a great activity to

tools we have to reinforce                                                                  involve friends, family, and
and celebrate our memories.                                                                 neighbors. Not only will
According to a study published in Proceedings of the         you benefit from the extra hands, you’ll be able to use the
National Academy of Sciences, individuals who spend time time to invite conversation and share stories about your
in natural spaces focus less attention on negative aspects of child. And, talking about family - those who are here and
their lives and open themselves up to the kind of thinking especially those who are not - is what the holidays should
that brings them pleasure – including positive memories of really be all about.
loved ones. Gretchen Daily, coauthor of the study, told me:
“Never before have people been so detached from nature.      Allison Gilbert is the author of Passed and Present: Keeping Memories
                                                             of Loved Ones Alive, the first book ever written that reveals 85 innovative

There is growing evidence, however, that reintroducing       ways to remember and celebrate the family and friends you never want to
nature to people who are deprived of it can improve mood.    forget. Learn more about Gilbert and her groundbreaking and uplifting
Many individuals feel better in a natural setting, perhaps   work by visiting her website and following her
because it helps them let go of pain.”                       on Facebook (, Twitter (@

                                                             agilbertwriter), and Instagram (@agilbertwriter).

How I Found Hope ...                                                                                            © Konstiantyn/

At my first ever TCF meeting, I was amazed to hear a bereaved mom
talk not just about her son’s death, but about her son’s LIFE. Years of
sharing the journey with so many incredible TCF members has proven
it can and does happen.

                                                       Joan Campbell, Lesley’s stepmom

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