Page 14 - 2016 Autumn-Winter Issue
P. 14

© Chepko Danil/   The Evolution

                             of Grieving

                             by Nora Yood

                             July 30th marked the ninth anniversary of my son
                             David’s death. Since that day, I have been mourning
                             his loss. I am not being morbid or hyperbolic; just
                             descriptive, stating a fact. I suffer Perpetual Sorrow
                             Syndrome, the unquenchable yearning for a lost loved
                             one which has become a chronic condition hardwired
                             into the mental infrastructure. Yet as time passes, our
                             relationship—the bond between David and me— has
                             changed. I have learned to practice managed mourning.
                             I see my progress as the evolution of grieving.

                             In many ways the loss of my child is more concrete
                             today than it was earlier in the cycle of mourning
                             where returning to some approximation of normalcy
                             was overwhelming. For a long while, the finality of
                             him being gone forever could not be comprehended. I
                             imagined him entering into the house, saw him on the
                             street, and heard his voice. These apprehensions seemed
                             so tangible. Often, I had dreams in which I was able to
                             intervene and reverse the outcome of his fate. Real life
                             was the nightmare I woke up to. During this period, I
                             was negotiating a foreign territory where the physical
                             environment was recognizable, but not familiar. I felt
                             constantly disoriented and frightened, a sense of dread

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