Someone asked me

Someone asked me about you today
It’s been so long since anyone has done that
It felt so good to talk about you
to share my memories of you
to simply say your name out loud
She asked me if I minded talking about
what happened to you
or would it be too painful to speak of it
I told her I think of it every day
and speaking about it helps me to release
the tormented thoughts whirling around in my head
She said she never realized the pain
would last this long
She apologized for not asking sooner
I told her, “Thanks for asking”
I don’t know if it was curiosity
or concern that made her ask
But told her, “Please do it again sometime – soon”

~ Barbara Taylor Hudson

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Comments (17)

  • I make it a point to speak of my son as often as I can. I let people know that the last thing I want is for them to avoid talking about him in front of me. The pain is always there either way and remembering the joy he brought helps me smile. He may be gone, but not forgotten.

    • I do the very same thing. So many people have already told me I don’t ask because I don’t want to upset you. I say, PLEASE ask.

  • My daughter was beautiful, yet quiet with only a few close friends. Her best friends were her “Cats” and I had many friends whom all attended her service , sent cards, flowers but after that week I have never seen nor heard a word from any of them again. I have reconnected with my former HS teacher that did know my daughter but as far as anyone else no one ever speaks of my Daughter. If I mention her name to my husband he changes the subject – after her death he could not go back to work for close to 2 months. I had in the past seen people that know me and they seem to run away if they see me moving toward them. I have been very ill and don’t leave my home unless necessary and no one comes to visit. I would give either arm or leg to have someone that would talk with me about my daughter , like when she was little and danced and sang. All her elementary school teachers loved her so much they wanted to keep her, they called her “little Smurfette” she was small and blonde and oh so cute ! I matched all her clothes perfectly and she wore dresses, Then she grew up and no more dresses , she became the blue jeans and boots girl ! She also wanted Mommy to be her best friend and I would say “NO” I don’t want to hear that “Please” stop it !! and WE would laugh so hard she would almost pee her pants !
    I miss our talks , laughs and even disagreements. She’s say “You mad Mom?” I would say NO , just disappointed. I miss her so much , I can’t ever stop thinking of her , I never had the chance to say “Good Bye” .

    • Hello, your section here about your daughter reminds me of my son. I too have those same feelings. Missing him some days is almost unbearable. He too had some close friends who have never come by the house. They say they can’t and don’t want to make me sad but I miss their company too. Some were just like our kids. Treated them well drove them around feed them and even took some on short trips. I don’t understand why people are at such a loss as to what to say to us. Most times a hug is all I need and I don’t always have to talk but I want to keep his memory alive both in my heart and head. I don’t want to forget anything about him. That’s what I’m most afraid of now that I’m getting older and it’s going to be 9 years for me. It doesn’t get much easier, I don’t know about you but I still cry on days and holidays. He took part of my heart with him and my life will never be the same. I hope you know your not alone. I too never got to say good bye….

  • I love talking about my son and saying his name. It makes me feel like he is close to me. He will never be forgotten to me and I want everyone else to remember him also. I love you Caleb……

  • No matter the age of the child, losing them hurts like you have never imagined. Yes, I want to talk about him, to share laughter and tears. Never feel it is not good to talk about a child who had died, regardless of their age, or the parents age. The void is there and will never be filled, but it helps to talk about the child that left that void and to pray that you will be reunited with them again someday.

  • My son was an angel flying to close to the ground. 16 years was not enough time. Miss you ever day Jack. Please learn the symptoms of the deadly teenage fad know as the choking game to raise awareness of the thing that took my son from this world. Love, Mom

  • I have my son’s two dogs and they bring me much comfort. It’s been 19 months and I haven’t cancelled his cell phone service – I still text him from time to time. No one talks about Carter anymore and I have no one but his dogs to talk to. Everyone else has moved on. One sibling learned a big lesson about forgiving and he has made positive changes in his life. One is angry that his brother is gone and blames him for all kinds of things that never happened. I have two short snapchat videos that Carter took of us and I play them often. It feels so good to hear his voice. It would be so nice to chat with someone who knew him about him, but others are afraid to talk. I don’t bring him up to anyone anymore – I don’t want to make them uncomfortable.

    • Ruth. I thought my husband and I were the only ones who haven’t cancelled our sons phone service even though he died 17 months ago. People don’t understand why we would still be paying for something that can’t be used since it’s locked and can’t be unlocked. But like you I text him every now and then And like you his two cats cats bring us such joy. I do wish you could talk to people and bring his name up it really helps with memories. We or our friends or family bring up Zack’s name at least once a day and it such a wonderful thing even if it makes us cry. And who cares it if makes someone else uncomfortable. No one can be more uncomfortable than the one one who has lost a child. So they’re uncomfortable for a short while and we’re uncomfortable forever. Big deal for them. Sending you a hug for Mother’s Day. Please take care of yourself

  • I miss my son so much it hurts to breathe. When someone speaks to me of him, when someone says his name out loud, I release the breath I’ve been holding and can breathe again for a while. I make it a point to speak the name of others who have passed to their loved ones. I have never had one say, oh please don’t. It brings comfort to us all for the greatest fear remaining is that they will be forgotten.

  • Dear Barbara, I share in your silent grief with the loss of my brother, Bill, who died 6 years ago at the young age of 40. When I tell people about having lost a brother, they do not usually want me to finish what I’m saying. I guess that makes some people uncomfortable…the topic of death and a family member. The very few that let me finish about him are kind and I hope concerned, but like you, I wonder if it’s just morbid curiosity. My deepest sympathies to you for your loss. Thank you for sharing about our forgotten and silent sorrow. Carole Renee Hasz

  • Thank you, Barbara, for writing this- extremely poignant and very true! My son Nick has been gone for 6 years, and his birthday would have been last Friday–that is one of the two hardest days I experience each year. I have learned, over time, to like Tom says, above, bring up my son in conversation to keep the memory of this outspoken, intelligent, funny and loving young man alive in our, and others, hearts. It’s good to hear
    that your friend brought up your child…must be a very sensitive person. Wish more people would do this.

  • My son Joshua passed 7/8/2008. He was 17
    His phone is still active today. I text him from time to time. But also on special days. His voice I can never imagine turning it off.

  • I think we’ve been given a gift by our children if we are able to accept it. Now we know someone in heaven and they, through our memories of them, are teaching us things about life and death we would never have known. Yes, it’s the hardest thing ever to go through. I’ve written to and talked to many people about my son’s experience with depression and addiction, the pain I’ve gone through in the loss of him. I truly believe God can make something good come out of this. The pain has opened up my heart to other people’s pain also. I truly know what to say to help someone now that has a broken heart for whatever reason. In some ways this has made me a better person. I still cry often and miss him more than anything. In my sad times I still question why this had to happen. I hear about people that overcame their addiction, i hear.people talk about their grandchildren which I won’t have now. I hear stories people tell of their children’s great accomplishments, their weddings, and it is very hard. I am proud of my son and how he touched people’s lives and how they remember him. I remember how he would tear up when something touched his tender heart and i remember his beautiful smile when he would see me, his great sense of humor that would hit you after a few seconds. I can’t wait til the day I will see him again. Until then I’m telling his story in hopes it will spread wide and far and help other young people. This is a journey we are on together, me and my Chris.

  • Say my daughters name please, it’s not that hard ( Melody) that’s what I say to my self when I am with my family and friends even my husband. It’s like she’s a part of the past and that’s where they want to her. No matter how long it has been it only seems like yesterday to me. There lives are fulfilled with there children, grandchildren etc so mine does not matter. That’s the way I look at it. To me it is being weak, selfish of them. It has been weeks maybe months since anyone has said Melody and it makes me bitter. I am not that fragile. I yearn for someone to speak of her, I do all the time to my self I have to for her name is always on the yip of my tongue. These posts and poem makes me cry even though it has been 11 yrs I live that nightmare everyday. I love you Melody Ann only God knows how much I miss you.

  • My beloved son left us heartbroken only 10 months ago, i am utterly devastated and know I will never recover from his leaving me.
    He was my baby , DS, Autistic, doubly incontinent for the last 20 years. Non verbal and in a wheelchair.
    I bathed and changed him every day, slept in a little bed near his hospital bed in my lounge,in the end he was completely , immobile and had dementia.
    My baby was 57 years old, and so dearly , dearly loved. I cry for him every day and know it upsets people, but i dont care, i LOVED him,and will miss him till the day I die. I was only 21 when i had him, so my whole life was wrapped around him.
    So people, talk about him, he was here!! His funeral was 4 days before Christmas, which will never be the same for me.

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