During early grief, we are preoccupied, distracted, and forgetful. We lose our cars in parking lots, forget pots cooking on the stove and are careless with sharp objects. We are prone to dropping things and falling, all of which make us vulnerable to injury. Routine activities like driving a car now require extra diligence to ensure safety.
Driving While Grieving (DWG)
Shortly after returning to work following our daughter Kandy’s death, I parked my car in the faculty parking lot and walked the short block and a half to my building. As I walked, I realized I had been driving more than an hour and had no memory of having made the trip. There I was in a different time and place and didn’t know how I got there. I only knew of my actions after I parked the car. Oh, what has happened to my memory? This is scary, I thought.
At my next The Compassionate Friends (TCF) meeting, I shared my driving experience with the group. Kay responded, “If you think that’s bad, listen to this. I was driving along and suddenly realized I had no idea where I was going. In a state of panic, I pulled the car over to the side of the road.
I was in full sobbing mode. After crying for I don’t know how long, I got myself together, turned around and drove back home. I stayed home until my husband could drive me where I needed to go.”
Barbara, a friend of mine, shared with me how she sideswiped two parked cars when she was driving along a busy street. Another friend spoke of how she rolled through a stop sign, realizing only later the red sign meant she should have stopped. You might have your own tale of driving woes. We all agreed that we were fortunate that we didn’t hurt ourselves or anyone else. Suffice to say, DWG, as I call it, is not a traffic violation yet but can be dangerous to our health.
Recently, I read that driving while grieving (DWG) is as deadly as driving while intoxicated (DWI).
Sharing these stories made me realize the importance of developing strategies for grieving parents and siblings to become mindful in our daily activities. A couple of things helped me when driving during that first year. I wrote a note to myself about where I was going and taped it to my instrument panel in the car. I also learned to keep the radio turned off because a favorite song or remark on the radio could trigger emotions and blinding tears. It helped me to have tissues handy because the tears always seemed to come when I was driving. It is advantageous to limit driving in the early months. When necessary, it is preferable to seek a ride with a friend or use public transportation.
In and Around the Home
One evening as I was cleaning up after dinner, I scraped leftovers into the garbage disposal. I pushed the food into the disposal with my right hand and reached with my left hand and turned on the disposal. The grinding sound of the motor brought me to my senses. Only then did I realize how dangerous it was to turn on the disposal while mindlessly putting in food.
Another safety issue involves the use of sharp instruments during food preparation. Take time to use the cutting board and only pick up a knife by its handle.
A friend shared with me her unsafe cooking experience. “One day I was cooking, not sure what, but I forgot about it. When I smelled something burning, I was still oblivious to what was happening. It was only when I got to the kitchen and found the wall near the range singed from the heat that I realized what had happened. The pan was burned dry, and the food turned into a crisp.”
“Oh no!”
“In my absent-mindedness, I nearly set the place on fire!”
All of us agree; forgetfulness is serious business.
When cooking, it is important to avoid leaving the pot unattended. If you have to go to another room, turn off the burner. A kitchen timer can be a good cooking reminder when carried with you if you leave the kitchen. When cooking with oil in a skillet, never exit the room before taking the skillet off the burner.
Burns are another danger in the kitchen. Always remember to use potholders when handling hot pots and pans. By the same token, keep pot and pan handles turned away from the outer edges of the stove, where we can bump them.
To ensure safety, in and around the home it is necessary to mindfully focus on one task at a time. In our fast-paced world, we must avoid the tendency to multitask.
Mindfulness is the process of bringing one’s attention to the experience occurring in the present moment. Doing one thing at a time and doing so mindfully will help ensure we act in a safe and secure manner. A discussion of mindfulness is beyond the scope of this article, but I recommend a Google search for information on developing mindfulness.
Falls
When using a step stool/ladder to retrieve items from high places or to replace a light bulb, always think safety. Choose one with a hand support to help maintain your balance. Don’t use a chair to reach high places, especially one with wheels.
Suzanne said she puts a long strip of tape on areas and items where she had a prior injury. When she sees the tape, it alerts her to proceed cautiously. This advice is good for seniors as well. Spills on tile floors also increase the risk of slipping and falling.
Distraction can also make us vulnerable on our feet. We need to exercise care when walking from room to room if there are throw rugs on the floor. Additionally, we need to beware of door facings and furniture placement. Broken toes are a common injury, as we age, even when we are not grieving. We can wear closed-toe shoes to protect our toes and feet.
It is equally important to exercise care in crossing streets and highways. Carefully look both ways and cross only when the light says go. Remember passing cars approach quickly.
Carrying and lifting heavy objects increase our risk for back injury. When lifting something heavy, move close to the object, bend the knees, grasp the item firmly and lift with the legs (abdomen and buttocks), not the back.
Safety issues are equally applicable to the workplace. Depending on the nature of the job, the work environment may impose its set of risks for accidents and injuries. We must exercise care when using machinery, chemicals, and bulky items.
In short, everyday activities pose increased risks to us when we are in acute grief. In summary, grief causes us to be distracted and forgetful, predisposing us to serious injury. We are vulnerable to accidents while driving, walking and cooking. When we act mindfully, we stay in the present moment and focus on the one task at hand thus lowering our risk for accidents and injury.
Use the chapter locator to find out information about chapters in your area. Locate a Chapter by selecting your state and zip code.
