Page 14 - 2018 Spring Issue

Does Grief Ever Really • Altered Sense of Just World—“I now know that it is check? Don’t worry if you checked many or a few. There is

not a fair world and that bad things happen to good
not a “score” to add up. The death forever changed your life.
people.” So, the next time you hear someone talk about “grief,” you
Go Away? Part 2 • Afterlife Beliefs—“I now have a different view of might want to remind them that, while some of the early
afterlife.”
reactions to a death may subside and even go away, some
by Bob Baugher, Ph.D. Reactions to Other People reactions last a lifetime. Although your child, grandchild or
• Feeling Isolated—“Since the death I’ve lost friends.” sibling lived for a short period of time, some of your grief
• Pain for Other Loved Ones—“It hurts me so much to and more importantly, all of your love, will last a lifetime.
see my other family members in grief.” Why wouldn’t it?
• Family Role Changes—“We can never fill the gaping Love,
hole in our family.” Dr. Bob
Physical Reactions Dr. Bob Baugher is a Psychology Instructor at Highline College in Des

• Crying—“There are still times when I find tears in my Moines, Washington where he teaches courses in Psychology and Death
eyes.” Education. As a trainer for LivingWorks he has trained more than 1,000
people in suicide intervention. Dr. Baugher has written several books and
• Sleep Problems—“I still don’t sleep as well as I used to.”
articles on grief and loss. He has been invited to give workshops at TCF
• Physical Exhaustion/Lack of Energy—“My energy National Conferences for the past 20 years and has been the professional
level has never returned to normal.” adviser to parents and siblings of the South King County (Seattle) Chapter of
• Feelings of Emptiness—“I just feel empty inside.” The Compassionate Friends for 30 years.
As I noted last time, these are just some of the grief
reactions that can have a lifetime effect. How many did you
© Kitja / stock.adobe.com How I Found Hope ...

In the last issue of We Need Not Walk Alone, I asked the Heart (Emotional) Reactions My wife and I were extremely fortunate that a wonderful woman by the name of Tori © Iakov Kalinin/stock.adobe.com
question that’s in this title, and of course you already • Helplessness—“I don’t really feel in control of my life Lane came to our home as we were sitting Shiva for our daughter Rebecca in 1998. She
knew the answer. In that article we focused on grief issues anymore.”
related to the Mind. This article is Part 2 of the answer in • Anger—“There are things about the death that still told us about Compassionate Friends. We attended our first meeting within 10 days of
which we look at grief from four other perspectives: Heart make me angry.”
(emotional), Spiritual, Social, and Physical. As I said last • Guilt—“I still have guilt thoughts such as, ’If only…’ Rebecca’s death. In the first several weeks of our journey, we found there was hope. Other
time, when you approach people who’ve not experienced a and ‘Why didn’t I…’ and ‘I should’ve.’” folks had experienced horrendous loss and survived and, more than that, flourished.
significant death in their life, especially the death of a child, • Sadness/Depression—“There is still a sadness inside of
grandchild or sibling, and ask, “How can you tell if someone me that hasn’t gone away.” Remarkably, during the first three or four weeks of our journey, while we were still in the
is in grief?” you often get answers such as, “They are crying, • Grief Attacks—“I’ll be doing something and—boom— sob-out-loud stage, we left a meeting. On the way home Diane said that someone came
they look sad, they talk about their loved one, they aren’t suddenly I’m hit with an upsurge of grief.”
themselves, they seem out of it.” • Worried—“As a result of the death I worry a lot that up to her after the meeting and told Diane something she said at the meeting was very

However, as you know, grief is so much more than that. something will happen to my loved ones.” helpful. She was amazed that as wounded as she was she could help someone else. In
Have you found yourself experiencing any of the reactions • Lost—“Sometimes I walk around just feeling lost.”
listed below? If so, that’s grief. You may want to give this Spiritual Reactions that remarkable moment, we both saw more than hope, we saw a path to healing.
article to someone to help them further understand how • God—“My relationship with God has forever
you never will really be “over it.” Jerry Goldsmith, Rebecca’s Dad
changed.” Chapter Co-Leader of the Longwood/Orlando Chapter
Read the grief reactions below along with statements that • Meaning of Life—“As a result of the death I wonder
people say and check the ones that still apply to you today: what is the meaning of life.”

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