Page 11 - 2018 Spring Issue

still struggle – big time. While initially attendance at the Someone recently asked me why I continue to attend
meetings was about mere survival, eventually it was about the meetings. I explained to them that I am still healing
keeping my sanity. When others in the world seemed to and find the ongoing support of TCF invaluable. Now, in
think that the crying spells should have subsided and life addition to the support I gain from the group, I can only
should be returning to normal, those at TCF knew better hope that one of those new parents might look across the
than that. There is never any pressure to “get over” our loss. table at me and, as impossible as it seems, realize that they
too can somehow survive
© SunnyS/stock.adobe.com
Sixteen months after their loss and find a way
losing Ian, my attendance Sharing, I soon realized, is the forward, one step at a
at TCF monthly meetings time.
is also about supporting primary method of healing employed at
others as much as it is TCF meetings. It was therapeutic Sherrie Coronas lost her 23-year-
about my own healing. old son, Ian, following his heroic
At nearly every meeting, and life-saving. eight-month battle with cancer.
we meet a new member She has been a member of The
of the community that no Compassionate Friends, Honolulu
one ever wants to join. Chapter, since his passing in
Sometimes, I meet them on the way up in the elevator. It’s 2016. Sherrie lives on the island of Oahu with her husband, David, and their
son Zach. A freelance and public relations writer for decades, she turned to
easy to spot them with their broken hearts and crushed writing to help process her grief and started a blog titled IANspiration: Gifts of
spirits. The truth is, hearing their stories hurts. It’s not easy God. She also volunteers with the local Meals on Wheels and her church.
to listen to someone in utter and all-consuming pain. Our
Why I Attend The Compassionate hearts all break together and we become family.

Friends: Then & Now How I Found Hope ...

by Sherrie Coronas © Tim De Frisco/fotolia.com
I had been actively attending Compassionate Friends meetings since six weeks
When our 23-year-old son Ian passed away What I was able to do that day was to listen and
following an 8-month battle with cancer, I didn’t observe. Every painful statement uttered by another after my son, Mark, died suddenly from unintentional medical errors, leaving a
think I could go on. Life felt completely unbearable, grieving parent was like a dagger to my heart. But, young wife, and two-year-old and five-year-old children. It must have been about
and it seemed impossible that there could be a future there they were…parents who were living through
without him here with us. I was blessed, however, to this awful, unthinkable experience of child loss. For year three into my heart rendering grief, when something made me realize that
have two friends tell me about The Compassionate some, it was recent and raw. For others, it had been
Friends (TCF) within days of our loss. Sadly, they many years. No matter the length of time that had everyone dies here from some reason. Some people get to live only minutes, some
had both suffered losses of their own within the passed since they had last held their child, the truth a few years, some 20 years, some 46, some 70 years, and so forth. Who was I to be
same year. We were all in this together. was that the pain – to some degree – was still there.
Yet, somehow, they made it. That was a powerful exempt from having this happen to me? From that moment on, I tried (and am
At my first TCF meeting in November 2016, just message all by itself. From that first meeting and
weeks after Ian’s passing, I could barely get a word over the course of the year that followed, I have still trying five years on) to be grateful for the time I was given to be Mark’s mom
out of my mouth. In Hawaii, we gather around a drawn strength from others who are on the same and to celebrate his life instead of dwelling on his death. Yes, I know that he died
large square table and I could see those sitting on quest to find a way forward.
the far side of it straining to hear what I had to here, but he really, really lives in our hearts, in our memories, and now just in
say. It was a beautiful thing to have strangers care In subsequent meetings, I was able to share more
as much as they did. However, my voice was weak and more. Sharing, I soon realized, is the primary some other place.
and my heart was shattered. All I could do was to method of healing employed at TCF meetings. It Kit Daniher, Mark’s Mom
squeak out a few words. I’m pretty sure I told them was therapeutic and life-saving. Today, I continue Southwest Florida Chapter, Facilitator and Loving Listener
I lost my son to cancer but not much more. They to share about my journey, the ups and downs of
understood completely. grief. Sometimes, I feel strong. At other times, I

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