Page 20 - 2016 Spring-Summer Issue

In loving memory
Joe Lawley
Sadly, the Compassionate Friends lost one of their founder
parents when Joe Lawley died on June 13, 2016. Joe was
a charming, lovely and loquacious gentleman who took
great pride in sharing the story of how TCF came to be
and the part that he and his wife Iris, and Bill and Joan
Henderson, along with Reverend Simon Stephens, played in
its beginnings in Coventry, England.
Joe and Iris Lawley lost their son Kenneth to a car crash, and
Bill and Joan Henderson, lost their son Billy to cancer, three
days a part, in May of 1969 at Coventry and Warwickshire
Hospital. Reverend Simon Stephens was the assistant to the
Chaplain there. As he was standing with the group praying for
Kenneth at his bedside, Reverend Stephens said simply, “If I can ‘The Society of the Compassionate Friends’ emerged. It
help….I am here, all of the time.” He also made Joe aware of the sounded right then, and now in a slightly shorter form, it still
Henderson’s whose son Billy was dying. After Billy died, Joe
mentioned to Iris about his death, and Iris suggested that they
send flowers to Billy’s funeral. As Joe states, “We did not then
know the significance of that act, but looking back, it might be Upon learning of Joe Lawley’s death, the UK Chair of
said that The Compassionate Friends started there. Joan and Bill Trustees, Dr. Margaret Brearley, commented: “Joe and
telephoned their thanks and we met for a cup of tea.”
Reverend Stephens kept in close contact with Joe and Iris,
Bill and Helen, and noticed how much comfort the Lawley’s
and the Henderson’s received from each other each time they
met around one of their kitchen tables. Together, openly,
they could share Kenneth’s and Billy’s lives, the sadness, pain
2 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone
and devastation of their deaths, the loss of dreams for their
sons, and unashamedly cry together…and when any of them
would nod their head and say, “I understand”, they all knew
that they truly did. Reverend Stephens said, “You are helping
each other in a way which I, and virtually everyone else,
am unable to do, because of your shared experience; do you
think it could work with other bereaved parents?” The names
and stories of other bereaved parents whom Rev. Stephens
encountered at the hospital were shared with Joe and the first
actual meeting of TCF, with six in attendance, took place
on January 28, 1969, in a small room at the hospital where
Kenneth Lawley and Billy Henderson died.
It was decided that they needed a name for this group of
bereaved parents. And as Joe tells it, “The word ‘compassion’
had featured frequently in our conversation, and eventually
sounds right – perhaps even inspired.” And as the saying goes,
the rest is history.
Iris, together with the Henderson’s and Simon Stephens,
created TCF in 1969 – now a worldwide group of caring
organizations uniquely comforting bereaved parents. Their
shared companionship and informal mutual support in their
overwhelming grief allowed them to turn outwards to seek
other similarly grieving parents, with the result that literally
hundreds of thousands of grieving parents have been given
comfort and friendship – and in many countries – all this
inspired by their example and their words”.
Glen Lord, President of the TCF/USA Board of Directors
said, “In May of 1968 when Kenneth Lawley died, his father Joe
Lawley’s life was forever changed. What Joe could never have
seen is that on that same day his and his wife Iris’s choice to
survive their grief, along with the support of the Henderson’s and
Simon Stephens, would change the world’s life forever. Joe has
now joined his Kenneth. Thank you, Joe, for all the love; thank
you for changing my life; all of our lives are the better for it.”
Alan Pedersen, TCF/USA Executive Director, added, “Joe
Lawley’s spirit lives on in every corner of the TCF world
because his compassion was the kindling that ignited our
organization.”
The Compassionate Friends/USA expresses their deepest
condolences to Joe’s wife Iris and their daughters, as well as
our entire TCF family in the United Kingdom.
Written by Cathy Seehuetter