Page 27 - 2016 Autumn-Winter Issue

Dear Dr. Heidi,

My sister died last year in a car accident. Everyone has been very focused on my parents’ grief because this has been so
devastating for them. Meanwhile, I am getting messages to be strong for my parents, and everyone is telling me that the
death of a child is the worst loss anyone can have. While I know that child loss is horrible, sibling loss sucks too! How
can I let people know how difficult it’s been for me?
Sincerely,
Sibling

Dear Sibling,
I know that every bereaved sibling reading this post will be able to relate on some level; I definitely experienced this as
well. The world, all too often, does not understand how devastating a sibling loss is! On our sibling’s travel with us together
throughout life, we have a shared history and they know things about us that no one else knows. When our sibling dies, we also
lose the future we thought we were going to have.
Even though it may be initially difficult, as bereaved siblings we need to teach the world how to be good grief support. When
someone says to you “the death of your sister must have been really hard for your parents”, you may want to respond by saying
“yes, it was hard on my parents, but it was also hard on me.” The more that we can give voice to the sibling experience, the
more we will educate the world about the impact of a sibling death. Even though we may not always look like we’re grieving,
the wounds within us run deep. Our brothers and sisters were an important part of our lives, and even though they are no
longer with us, they remain forever in our memories and will always be a significant part of our lives.

Dr. Heidi Horsley, PsyD, is a bereaved sibling as well as a psychologist. She is the executive director of the Open to Hope Foundation, cohost
of the Open to Hope radio program, www.opentohope.com, an adjunct professor at Columbia University, and a national board member of The
Compassionate Friends. She will be answering your questins related to loss, grief, and recovery for siblings.
Please send your question to: Dr. Heidi Horsley, c/o The Compassionate Friends, PO Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696.

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Not Walk Alone digitally at least twice a year, and
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