Page 4 - 2018 Spring Issue

If you find now that you have more strength and are beginning to empathize with others, you might try a different seat.
Sitting Alone Reflect back on the early journey of grief where you needed support, perhaps struggled with going it alone, and yearned
for someone who truly understood the struggles encountered on this grief journey. If you think back to these times of great
I left St. Louis after a very busy week planning for our upcoming national conference despair and feel a little stronger, seek opportunities to help others.
“Gateway to Hope and Healing” to be held in St. Louis, July 27-29, 2018. It was a very, very
busy week spent with lots of different people from the national office, hotel staff, and the We stay with The Compassionate Friends years
awesome conference committee. As wonderful as the week was, I was leaving exhausted and and decades after our loss to volunteer and help,
in need of rest. not because we need the frequent, sometimes
daily, support but to pay it forward to others who
I greatly looked forward to my seat on the plane. It was a small commuter plane, an EMB- unselfishly and generously gave their time. Those
145 ExpressJet. There was no business or first class, everyone was the same. It was the type who help do so not because they need it but
of configuration that has two seats on one side of the aisle and one seat on the other side. I rather because they know the need. Please reach
had been lucky enough to reserve the single seat side of the aisle. out, take someone’s hand, and help them on their

Along our grief journey, it seems we have “assigned” seats. We are assigned seats in the child loss section of life, whether journey.
our loss is a child, grandchild, brother or sister. We would never choose these seats for us or anyone else! We forever wish
that we had not been assigned this seat. It does not fit us properly. It is extremely uncomfortable. There is too much noise Tony’s Mom
but at the same time it is silent. We would do anything to get out of this seat! Debbie Rambis, TCF Executive Director

As much as we do not like this seat, we really cannot ever get out of this grief seat. We will always feel the loss, though in a
different intensity; day by day, month by month, and year by year.
Sitting alone in my assigned seat for the trip back home I felt it really reflected my grief journey. I looked over at those on
the side of the aisle with two seats. They were all sitting with someone. Some had family members beside each other and How I Found Hope ...
shared cuddles and funny tales. Others appeared to be on business trips and glanced and pointed at one another’s computer
screens. Some were with complete strangers but found things they had in common to chat about.
As a mother, to have part of your soul ripped away, is a pain like no other.
I sat alone and I chose to sit alone.
Hope was difficult for me to find. For me, hope was found through my faith
When I selected where I would sit ahead of the flight, I thought it was the perfect seat. I would not need to struggle with a
shared arm rest. I would have my own space without a need to make small talk. I would be alone and I liked it. and love. The beauty of a sunrise, the clouds in the sky, the birds singing, the

However, I started to get a little envious of the chatter, the laughter, the sharing. I too had missed that when grieving, until I splendor of nature. Hope was knowing that I can laugh and cry and it is ok.
found The Compassionate Friends.
Hope was knowing I could enjoy life and it was ok. All of these things are
Eventually on this journey, I no longer wanted to sit alone. I searched for and found a few family members who would
still listen to my “Tony” stories and hug me when tears fell rather than wiping them away. I even found new friends, The renewed hope every day. Missing my Angel Meggie is never going to change.
Compassionate Friends, who willingly shared the arm rest, allowing me to use it as often as needed. I had discovered a new She will always be my first thought in the morning and my last whisper at
“family” in Compassionate Friends.
night. My faith assures me, that we will be together again. I revel in that
Just as I reflected on my own grief journey, it may be a good time to do the same with your grief journey. Start by asking
yourself a couple of questions: beautiful image. While I’m walking the journey on earth, I know I’m not

What seat do you typically pick to sit in on your grief journey? alone. I feel her sweet whisper when the wind blows, her warm beautiful light

Does that seat still fit you or is it time to try another? touches me when the sun warms my skin. Hope for me is knowing that she is
If you are sitting alone, I certainly understand. We all need some time alone to reflect, recharge, and just be. But, we all always with me, and the love we shared will always carry me through even on
need each other from time to time so we “Need Not Walk Alone.” You may have traveled days, weeks, months, or even
years alone. Please know you do not have to go it alone! The healing power of The Compassionate Friends is that we have the dark days. Her light will shine with me forever. © robsonphoto/stock.adobe.com
chapter leaders, steering committee members, Facebook moderators, regional coordinators, and conference volunteers who Tracy Sheppard, Meg’s Mom
are there for you.

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