Page 9 - 2017 Spring-Summer Issue
P. 9

mind-bending confusion while the uninitiated around us perspective, our health, our attitudes, our capabilities, our
try to offer well intended but ultimately useless comfort  needs, our desires, and our understanding. Our healthy
and solace based on their own limited understanding of     survival depends on our ability to reinvent ourselves. The
loss. Our inability to fathom our new reality and the loss of future we spent a lifetime envisioning and working towards
hope for a future creates even more pain and isolation. Only becomes a black hole; we have no idea where we’re headed
those who have lived this calamity recognize the future that and we simply slide toward some unknown destination.
newly bereaved parents                                      Adjustment to this new
face. The bereaved become                                   reality can take years - the
aliens in a world where    The future we spent a lifetime   better part of a lifetime.

they no longer feel like   envisioning and working towards  As Jason Greene, Greta’s
they belong.                                                Dad said, “Children
heatLeasthhexxbseoeeiptoaesnrmlieuxbaiknrnpteosgitgegoeruhdcinandnnaticecetnoane’hsdtpeai.tni,osreaBlndydgwrien’hotgocniaausbrafbpibsueaelastgesnfsnew.iniWteyaebraeergleoinrsesinlwtugobcotchetarunoeceretowrmptoemiiann“wld.reeWstd.segeH’oarsbe”eeoaaglbsiminhnolgatetehoacerukds nehdkonlaeIFhotnro;wtipaedwenkneddewsso.adehesveelaisrsvyvitemile-onninnpagoltotiuyimroieswdnltooier.dlcadaerheoapbesraciwnoetadioemuersunrvtdTlayeitaothisnantiegnhdbyedoiCltosetheounolailomonrodvssgtepspis.”rnoaeafoogscsEw.tskarvhiiaeLoaeneytlnni,r.wsktawBeuatueeyaatsll.y
encourage us to do. Our grief is the most solid thing
we have. We hang on for dear life. “Getting over it” is    Marie and Phil Levine’s only child, Peter, was killed while being driven

                                                           home by a college friend who had been drinking. She has been Chapter
impossible. They say we’ll never be the same; they are right. Leader in Manhattan, NY for many years and also serves as leader of
Frustrated by our inability to describe this unique grief
                                                           the Twin Forks/ Hamptons chapter, which she founded 10 years ago. In
experience, we finally find a measure of relief when we meet addition, she is Newsletter Editor of both chapters. Recently, Marie was
others who have lost a child. Without saying a word we
feel safe in knowing they understand exactly what we are   appointed to the TCF national board of directors. She was awarded TCF

feeling. They’ve been there - and survived.                Chapter Leadership Award in 2012. She presented the “Now Childless”

                                                           webinar currently available on the TCF website. She has been a frequent

Parents who survive their children are chemically          workshop presenter at TCF National Conferences and is the author of First
rearranged. Like a butterfly’s metamorphosis, we too must  You Die: Learn to Live After the Death of Your Child and The Tincture of
confront changes in our personality, our physicality, our  Time for those further along in their grief journey.

How I Found Hope ...                                                                                                      © Ruth P. Peterkin/

The Minneapolis conference of 2011, only 3 ½ months after the drowning
death of our son, Tony Rambis, restored a glimmer of hope for my broken
heart and soul. The atmosphere of those three days was an aurora of soft
assuring words, touches and hugs of unsaid understanding, and a sense of
modeled compassion and healing. Healing in numbers and healing in wisdom,
from those who once walked ahead of me in THEIR sorrow and grief, but now
walked with me in the darkest time of my life.

                                                           Mark Rambis, Tony’s Dad, Spring, TX

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