Page 26 - 2017 Spring-Summer Issue
P. 26
© Romolo Tavani/fotolia.com
Sibling Chivalry in Grief
by Mitch Carmody
My 9-year-old son Kelly James died of cancer Honesty and transparency
in 1987. That event changed my life forever,
but many do not know of the other familial make you vulnerable.
losses that preceded his. It seems life is a puzzle
in progress; our losses and gains that we piece Be honest and
together through a lifetime ultimately forms our transparent anyway.
destiny. We have cognitive choices that influence - Mother Teresa
that destiny, but as children, for the most part,
those choices are made for us. We grieve by In 1969, my father died when
proxy through our parents and subjugated by I was only 15 years old. My
societal influence to the extent that we may even mother’s words of wisdom to
marginalize our own pain. You are young; you are © Mitch Carmody, me were: dead is dead; buck
resilient; kids bounce back. Mother Theresa, pencil
It is indeed true that countless children have up and get on with your life; you are the man of
survived unimaginable horrors and have grown the family now; you need to take care of the farm
to become a remarkable force in the world. They and your sisters. I guess it was the chivalrous thing
have proved to be highly resilient individuals. to do…and expected. I tucked my grief away,
Resiliency can only be obtained through a state manned up and took on my new role as the alpha
of vulnerability; innocence to the unknown; of the family. The youngest of seven, my older sibs
an innocence that can be transformational; for were married and out of the house; it was just my
better or for worse it’s the risk and worth of twin sister and my 18-year-old sister at home. I
vulnerability; it’s about being all in. It’s about took on the role of the man of the family; I did not
taking emotional risks. cry, I did not grieve.
2 6 |We Need Not Walk Alone In 1984, my twin sister, at age 29, was killed with
her two young sons in an auto accident. It rocked
my family and sibs, but my mother reacted the
same way, “What is done is done son. We have to
