Page 20 - 2017 Spring-Summer Issue
P. 20
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In-laws: They Just Don’t
Understand
by Gloria Horsley found that 65% of the respondents had in-law problems and
the majority of those problems were between female family
Alan Pedersen, Executive Director of The Compassionate members. So it is consistent with that study; that in-law
Friends, recently shared a post on his Facebook page about problems would emerge when family members are dealing
a call he received from a bereaved mom. Her son had died with the death of a loved one.
of an accidental drug overdose, and she was upset that
her brother refused to go to a 2-year anniversary balloon Why Forgive In-laws?
release because he felt she was, “dwelling too much in the
past”. In his post, Alan asked his Facebook Friends to offer You might be saying to yourself, “I don’t like the way my
comments if they had heard of similar experiences. Most in-laws treat me; why should I care if I don’t get along
of the responses from family members showed empathy with them?” Well, if for no other reason, you all love the
and understanding, but those from non-family members, same people. The biological bond is strong and we love our
especially in-laws, were not as forgiving. It seemed to grandchildren, siblings and children. Also, you are the role
provide an opportunity to air past in-law grievances. One model for how your children will treat you when you are
person wrote, “I lost my son and my new sister-in-law who an in-law. If your behavior toward your in-laws includes
had not met my son, said that it had been three months holding grudges, rejection or outright distaste, you are
since his death and I should get over it.” Another person showing your family that this behavior is tolerated. On the
wrote, “At our son’s funeral my mother-in-law tried to take other hand, if you are willing to forgive and show respect
over and pulled my husband, her son, into her car rather toward them, even though this may be difficult, it may well
than letting him ride with me.” These responses were not be rewarded in kind. In short, if you treat your in-laws
surprising. In a study of family issues I did a few years ago, I
2 0 |We Need Not Walk Alone
