Page 13 - 2017 Spring-Summer Issue

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“I Love You More Than Chocolate Cake”
by John Mitchell
Twenty-three years ago, on the day we buried our sons
Kevin John and Kareem Anthony, my wife and I attended
our first TCF meeting. I can still remember walking into
that room that was divided into two groups; one group had
people like me; sad, angry, hurt, crying, and distraught….the everyone was happy and agreed that she loved them very
other group had the people that I wanted to be, people that
were smiling, hugging, talking, and not crying.
I knew I had found my people; I just didn’t know how long
it would take for me to graduate from group “A” to group
“B”. No matter how sad the meeting made me feel and how
much I cried, I felt safe and looked forward to being there
every 2nd and 4th Tuesday of the month.
And then one day I turned around and realized that not
only was I now in group “B”, I was the Chapter Leader and
the Regional Coordinator. I was standing in the front of the
room sharing my story, encouraging all our new parents to
attend at least three meetings before deciding that TCF was
not for them. I also learned on this journey that sometimes
it’s OK to remember the past; we don’t always have to only
focus on our new reality.
I used to wish each of my children good night individually,
kind of like the Walton’s with their “Good night, Ma” and
“Good night, Pa.” In my house, the good nights could take
two hours because you also had to explain why you loved
each person and how much; thank you, Kevin, who started
that. After a very long work day, my wife said, “Ok. I love
you guys more than chocolate cake,” and for the first time
much. After that, it became a tradition in our home, and it
has become my trademark to end our TCF meetings and all
TCF events with – “I love you more than chocolate cake.”
John Mitchell and his wife Jacquie, along with their three sons, were on a
much anticipated family vacation when the unthinkable happened. What
should have been a lifetime of joyful memories turned into tragedy when
Kareem (Reemie) 15 and Kevin 12 suffered what turned out to be a fatal
accident at the hotel swimming pool.
In shock, after such a catastrophic, life-altering event, John and Jacquie, not
knowing where to turn for help or advice were led to The Compassionate
Friends (TCF). They began going to meetings at the Manhattan Chapter
where they found comfort and support, and came to believe that TCF saved
their life. John also lost a brother to a tragic train accident several years
ago and has facilitated groups of bereaved parents and siblings, and is now
co-leader for the Manhattan Chapter. He reaches out to other bereaved
parents and gives them hope that they can also restore their lives and honor
the memory of their lost children. John is also co-Regional Coordinator
for the State of New York. He has one surviving son, Kristopher, who has
a degree in Criminal Justice, and has presented workshops to bereaved
siblings at national conferences.
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