Page 27 - 2016 Spring-Summer Issue
P. 27
On the second day, I saw a workshop. “On Becoming certainly remarkable. And maybe these are all parts of the
an Only Child After the Death of a Sibling.” That’s me, I why, but ultimately incidental to the biggest thing.
thought, starting to wrap my head around my new normal. I have close friends, the ones I’ve know my whole life, the
So I sat in the circle and a girl with impossibly long black ones I lived with in LA, went to college with, talk to every
hair started to talk. About her sister Emily and how she single week, see all the time. They are all pieces of my heart,
died in a car accident when she was only 16. How suddenly but Kim is a piece of my soul. We don’t need to talk every
at 20, her life wasn’t the one she recognized anymore. Her week or even every month. We don’t see each other every
name was Kim. She swore
and laughed and talked with year, though we are getting
better at that again. But I can
Almost from the get go, we spokeher hands for the next hour tell her things that I can’t tell
the same language. It’s that one ofand fifteen minutes. And anyone else. Can talk to her in
ways I can’t talk to anyone else;
something clicked. I felt a ways that are only like how
I talked to Wendy. It doesn’t
sisters. The one I thought wouldmoment of connection and matter if time has passed; we
never have to catch up or reconnect, beyond recapping
belonging, found a place free the facts of any missed time. We don’t share the same
never exist again.of judgment and fear. Kim
and I talked in the hall. I
thanked her.
The next summer, the conference was in Boston. This time family, but we share the same pieces of being a family, of
I met more siblings and Kim was there again. Staying at losing parts of our family. We don’t share the same past,
the hotel and not in my apartment was more inclusive, but our pasts are connected. We live lives we once didn’t
and so I started to find more connections with brothers recognize as our own, and somehow, I think, that helps us
and sisters from everywhere. Deep friendships formed, to recognize one another. Almost from the get go, we spoke
ones that continue to exist outside of the conferences and the same language. It’s that one of sisters. The one I thought
outside of our shared losses, but the one with Kim was would never exist again.
something different. A place I never expected to find. It’s not exactly the same, but it’s as near as I can imagine
We spent more time together that year, talked about the something could be. If my thought is this is only something
challenges of holidays and she invited me to Raleigh for I can talk to Wendy about, I know that means that I can
Thanksgiving. That following fall, I just up and went. It call Kim. It isn’t like having Wendy back with me, nor do
was still too hard for me to be home with my own family so I imagine that it is like having Emily back for her. But it’s
I welcomed the invitation to borrow hers. a consolation prize like no other. A gift handed over to us
And we discovered new things. That I was born in April, from Emily and Wendy. Wherever they are, I imagine them
the same month that Emily died, and that Kim was born sometimes together, looking on, laughing, and nodding in
in October, the same month Wendy was killed. Kim and agreement at their genius.
I are six months apart in age and so were our sisters. She Karen Soltero is a bereaved sibling, having lost her younger sister Wendy
was 20 and I was 26 when the deaths happened but we had on October 28th, 2000, when Wendy was shot and killed during a random
both been adults, living on our own, albeit in very different robbery attempt in Hollywood, CA. Karen has been an active participant
ways. These things are all just the uncanny coincidences. in Compassionate Friends, attending both local chapter meetings and
The fact that she purses her lips the same way Wendy did national conferences. She is also involved with the Brady Campaign for the
when she’s thinking. The part where she is so much like Prevention of Gun Violence and has spoken about her sister at a number
of events. Karen works hard on a daily basis to keep the spirit of her sister
Wendy, not just in her features, but in her adventurous and Wendy alive - by celebrating her, talking about her, commemorating
outgoing nature, the part where she tells me as much as she birthdays and anniversaries and always working hard to make sure that
is wild like Wendy, that I am serious like Emily, these are all even new friends have an opportunity to get to know her.
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