Page 23 - 2017 Autumn-Winter Issue

You may want to give this article to someone to help them Altered Sense of the Future—“I don’t look forward to the
further understand how you never will really be “over it.” future anymore.”
Desire to Obtain More Information—“There is still a lot
Read the grief reactions below along with statements that about the death I want to know.”
people say and check the ones that still apply to you today: Disruption of Social Clock—“It is wrong that my child (or
grandchild) died before me.”
Mind Dreams and Nightmares—“I still dream about her (or him).”
Loss of Role—“Since the death I wonder who I am
Denial—“I still can’t believe this happened.” Or “I just anymore.”
can’t believe that she (or he) is gone.”
Unreality—“Sometimes this just feels so unreal.” These are just some of the Mind reactions that people can
Time Distortion—“At times it feels so long ago and yet have for a lifetime. How many did you check? Don’t worry
other times it feels like yesterday.” if you checked many or a few. There is not a “score” to add
Avoidance—“There are people, places or things that I still up. The death of your child, grandchild, or brother or sister
avoid since the death.” is something that has forever changed your life. Therefore,
Searching—“I still find myself searching for this person.” while the pain lessens, coping with the many aspects of grief
Longing & Missing—“I still miss him (or her) being in my is a lifelong process.
life.”
Loss of Shared Communication—“I don’t have the person Yola, one of the original Seattle TCF moms put is so well
who shared my ideas or little inside jokes with me.” when she talked about the grief of her son after 20 years.
Multiple Reminders—“Everywhere I look reminds me of She said, “You know, Dr. Bob, grief is unfinished love.” Yes,
my loss.” Yola, you are so right.
Concentration Problems—“I still have problems focusing
on things.” Love,
Memory Problems—Since the death my memory is still Dr. Bob
not what it used to be.”
Obsessive Thoughts—“I keep having the same thoughts of Dr. Bob Baugher is a Psychology Instructor at Highline College in Des
my loved one over and over.” Moines, Washington where he teaches courses in Psychology and Death
Rituals—“There are things I still feel I need to do in Education. As a trainer for LivingWorks he has trained more than 1,000
recognition of my loved one.” people in suicide intervention. Dr. Baugher has written several books and
Confusion—“I’m still confused about many things related articles on grief and loss. He has been invited to give workshops at TCF
to the death.” National Conferences for the past 20 years and has been the professional
adviser to parents and siblings of the South King County (Seattle) Chapter
of The Compassionate Friends for 30 years.

How I Found Hope ... © kichigin19 / fotolia.com

Even though I went to my first TCF chapter meeting six days after Raymond
died, it was the national conference 2 1/2 years later that gave me the most hope.
Being around 1200 parents, siblings and grandparents that were also bereaved
and sharing their stories made me feel that I was not alone. Probably the best
part was all the other fathers that I was able to talk to; that there is a club for
people like me that no one wants to belong to.

Ronnie Plotkin, Raymond’s Dad

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