Here we are again, amid the longest and most complex holiday season of all. This time of the year puts a multi-colored spotlight on every one that is missing in your life and all the parts of your life that are not going as you would hope for.
The commercials and advertisements paint a picture of fictional lives. Perfect intact families, beautiful homes, and lots of money for presents and decorations. The presumption is that you should be cheery, positive, and grateful for all the good things in your wonderful life.
What if that is not your reality right now? What if you are missing loved ones and grieving? What if your relationship is breaking up? Perhaps you are out of work, very low on funds, and cannot provide your family with necessities, much less extravagant presents. What if you or a loved one is very ill?
I hear so often how difficult this time of year is. How lonely and sad. The nostalgia for wonderful holidays past with loved ones, or on the other side, this may serve as a big reminder of awful times with family and memories you would rather not revisit.
How do we cope with the lights and music and all that comes with this long season when we are grieving and feeling sad, hopeless, and stressed?
We put so much pressure on ourselves to be cheery, to perform, to be out of our comfort zone for the comfort of others. It is exhausting.
If this is the first Holiday since your loved one died and you want and need to be quiet and not participate like you have done in the past, please give yourself permission to do so.
If you are supporting a loved one who is grieving and experiencing loss and difficulty, please understand that saying “you need to get out of your comfort zone” may not be helpful, as the griever is uncomfortable every single second of the day. This time of the year is much worse.
Could you please ask your loved one what they need this year? What would be most comfortable and helpful for them? Understand if they are not participating so much and do not judge how anyone chooses to handle their loss. Every loss is unique and individual to the person experiencing it.
This season is so difficult and weighty due to the memories of our past and the reality of our present.
I wish you the space and time you need to heal. The ability to take the smallest glimmer of light from the intention of this holiday season. Be good to yourself and kind and know how much energy it takes to grieve and acknowledge loss.
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Thank you so much Hilary. This has been a very difficult year. This will be the second Christmas without my son David 9/2/2023. Forever 43. Hugs and prayers to you.
Thanks so much, really, Hilary!
Thank you Hilary , it feels good to be given permission not to have to join in and be jolly at this time of the year . This is the second Christmas without our dear son Guy and the third without our dear daughter Lydia . We have lost both our children . Last year our son’s partner kindly invited us to their home but this year she is going away to her family . So this is the first year my husband and I will be on our own . It is a time , in my opinion, to be survived and endured as I can no longer experience the joy that a family who are together and complete take for granted
I wish you all lots of strength
My son was 29 when he passed away 7 years ago and the pain is still so intense at times. Thinking of all the other bereaved parents, grandparents and wider family.
This will be the third Christmas Eve since I found my son dead that day. It’s a difficult time with all the celebrations but I’m only too aware that I am just one of so many in the same situation, l send them all peace and love.
This is my 3rd Christmas without my beloved son James he was 41, I also found him dead, which I will never forget, the pain never goes away, it’s a comfort to share my feelings with others who understand, and send my love to you all