The first year of Chanukah was extremely difficult. Linda died on February 1st so by the time Chanukah arrived, the shock and numbness had disappeared. We could no longer pretend that she was on a business trip or visiting friends. We knew that she wasn’t coming back.
Chanukah had been an important part of our family life. In addition to the lighting of the candles, we had created our own traditions and rituals. Chanukah is mostly a children’s holiday but my family continued these observances even when my daughters became adults. The tears streamed down my face as I lit the ritual candles that first year. We decided to discontinue the parties, singing, special foods, and all of our other observances. They were too painful.
We’ve become snowbirds and spend Chanukah in Florida. I still light the candles – usually by myself – but otherwise keep the holiday very low key and skip the rest of the festivities. Since I don’t have young children or grandchildren to think about, this doesn’t create any problems. There’s always a pang, but it has softened over the years. As a veteran bereaved parent, I am resigned to the fact that I will never celebrate with my entire family again.
Therefore, I didn’t expect the eighth year of Chanukah to be unusual. I thought I had come to terms with the holiday. So why was the eighth year so difficult? Was it the fact that the eighth anniversary was approaching? Was it the symbolism of eight nights of candles and eight years? Or was it just a coincidence or the blind-siding that sometimes occurs without warning to those who have grieved for a long time? I probably will never know the answer and have decided that, as with many other things, it’s just the way grief is. I’m just glad that, after eight years, the grief and pain usually are softer than they were in the early years.
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Hello Stephanie as a sister in the loss of a child my heart goes out to you. My feelings, whatever choices we make for as parents to work through the Holidays or Religious occassions is acceptable too each of us individually I agree with. My daughter has been gone for 32 years. Some years festive, many very painful. I agree Christmas or Hannaka are holidays Children look forward to all year. The memories of those years spent with my daughter come to mind in memories I will never forget. Your not alone, as I know I am not alone as a Sister in loss. I wish you the very best this Holiday and a Wonderful New year! Thank you for your share. 🙏
My son was a musician,and Chanukah was how it happened. His guitar was my guess at a great present. This is only my second year without my best friend. Not getting any easier.
We are thinking of you this second Chanukah, Barry. Time makes it gentler, but we will always miss them from these special days. We will keep you close in our thoughts, Cathy