Making Mother’s Day and Father’s Day Special
Here are a few hints to help you through these days after the loss of a child.
- Pamper yourself-this is a special day in your life. You are a parent forever and your child is your child forever.
- Do what you need to do-what helps you. Grieve your way.
- Be with those who surround you with love, not demands or advice.
- Plan ahead-do things that make you feel good or give you a moment’s peace.
- Start new rituals to make new memories.
- Share your thoughts with family members; decide together what the day should include. (If you are alone, find a good friend.)
- Include deceased children in the day-through prayer, lighting a candle, telling stories about them, looking through pictures, planting flowers or a garden, doing a good deed, writing about them, making their favorite recipe.
- Join with another bereaved family to honor this day and have mutual support.
- Start a garden or add to a special garden in memory of your child.
- Use this day to plant spring flowers so you can always see your child in each bloom and each bouquet that you cut.
- Visit the cemetery if that helps your heart on this day.
- Plant a flower or shrub that will come to bloom this time of year.
- Do something special for someone else or something special in your child’s name (helping Cancer Care, MADD, a Compassionate Friends’ Chapter, Scouting, a nursing home, etc.)
- Listen to music that makes your heart feel good.
- Cook some favorite recipes that your child enjoyed or cooked for you.
- Buy a present for yourself from your child and enjoy the comfort it brings you.
- Write a poem or article in memory of your child, sharing memories or whatever has helped you.
- Attend a family gathering of relatives – their love and support can give you a lift on this day.
- Make a booklet of favorite poems that help your heart, and give copies to dear relatives and friends in memory of your child.
- Take part in a special church ceremony honoring Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
- Pray to your child-talking is the best medicine and prayer is simply talking.
- Set aside some special time to grieve, unloading all the frustration and sadness that can envelop you on such a day giving you time to meditate alone.
- Write a letter to your child, telling what’s in your heart (perhaps some unfinished business or some new blessing that has enriched your life).
- Allow the tears to flow- crying is healing and allows a release for your feelings.
- Think of a way to “share your child with the
world”-making sure his or her memory lives on through scholarships, writing, good deeds.
- Give and get plenty of hugs.
~ Elaine Stillwell, TCF Rockville Centre, NY