Grief is defined as the emotional response that follows loss. While grief is intensely emotional, it is also physical, psychological, and spiritual. Most bereaved parents, siblings, and grandparents experience these multi-faceted aspects of grief. Many bereaved people also feel a sharpening of their senses when the connection to their loved one grows in new ways outside of their physical presence.
Helen Keller said, “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.” Although each person’s process through loss is unique, bereaved people often feel their loved ones who died in new and surprising ways through one of our five biological senses. These are the senses of sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch.
I have these experiences frequently. For example, my son Connor was very connected to nature. He loved campfires and the challenge of making a fire the old-fashioned way by creating a spark with natural tinder. We shared many meaningful times around a fire. On several occasions, when I was feeling particularly sad or lost with my grief, I had an unexplainable pungent smell of campfire that had no clear reason to be present.
Connor was also a passionate pianist from a very young age. I’ve had numerous occurrences when I heard Beethoven’s Für Elise, one of Connor’s favorites, or another musical piece he loved playing, at just the right moment when my heart and spirit needed lifting. These incidences have happened through all five of my senses, and many bereaved parents share similar beautiful stories.
Not everyone experiences these connections, yet they can be tremendously meaningful and comforting to those who do. Keeping a journal to track these may be helpful to reflect on at other times when aching waves of grief may return. Other people may suggest that these situations are coincidences or efforts to not “let go.” The perceptions of others and whether these events are rationally explainable are not what matters. Meaning and value are found in the peace and comfort of feeling a profound connection to our child, sibling, or grandchild and a deeper understanding of our existence.
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I have these connections with my son, Shelby ever since he passed away in 2012. They started just a few weeks after he left us. And, I don’t know if you have ever been told or seen this but he passed in September and in January we were at a friend’s house celebrating their twins birthday and while taking pictures one photo had Shelby’s face in the window pane without his picture anywhere in the room and the next picture had his picture from the waist up laughing in the China cabinet glass. I shared these pictures and my story at one of the Compationate Friends Conference. I am a believer in our loved ones being with us and our connection with them. I have felt him rub on my arm, heard him talk to me, found a note from him in a picture frame that I put together after he left us, found pictures in my Bible that weren’t there before, I listen, look and feel for answers when I talk to him and need him to tell me what he thinks, or where I put things just so many things that we did. I talk to and about him everyday. How else will you keep there story going and them a live in your heart. He is my miracle child that I was never to have, my cancer survivor who went into remission at age 17, and passed away at 19. He went to school for 16 years of his 19. Starting at age 3, going to a private school, being diagnosed with cancer, Neuroblastoma, at age 7, having to repeat the 2nd grade only because of to many days missed, he completed all his school work. He did credit recovery in the 10th grade due to having surgery for testicle and abdominal issues from issues of the cancer and credit recovery as a senior for 2 credits. And he graduated which he said was his biggest accomplishment in his life. He applied to medical school school in Louisville to start his career in medicine. He was going to start out as respiratory therapist and than work his way on up from there to a doctor but he wasn’t sure for what. He was to start September 26th 2012 before passing September 1st, 2012. Thank you for listening to just a small piece of Shelby’s story. Forever Shelby’s mommy
You describe beautiful miracle connections and an inspiring story of your son’s life…may his memory be a blessing always. Thank you for sharing.
Music can definitely give us connection to our loved ones. I recently wrote this poem from the perspective of a silent piano:
Arab Horsemen
He was not a serious pianist.
His Mom made him practice while
he would rather play football.
But he liked music
especially one piece of sheet music
he played over and over again.
Arab Horsemen.
Da. Di-da. Da.
A relentless horse-clomping beat
Da. Di-da. Da.
He left our house as children do
but returned every Christmas
to play Christmas carols by ear.
And how we all loved that.
Then silence. For 8 years,
I fell totally silent.
A deafening kind of silence.
No one touched me.
Until one day
I heard a familiar melody.
The boy’s mother was humming
Da. Di-da. Da.
She is hearing that tune in her head,
a melody that has never left me.
We share the memory of him together.
And this is enough.
Da. Di-da. Da.
Pat Timpanaro, Feb.14, 2025
A dear friend of mine forwarded this site to me. I do not like being a member of this group. I lost my daughter a month ago and still have out of control moments almost every day since. (even now) It is very hard to know that I will not see her again in this life. And yet, she has appeared at least once since her death. She helped her high school son, a member of the wrestling team, to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Family members, wrestling parents and teammates, and of course her husband, and I, were all in tears after Austin’s win. To a person, and to this day we all believe that Shannon pushed him to his victory. This victory helped him to qualify for the Indiana state wrestling tournament where he has became an all state wrestler in his weight division. I miss her every day, but I know she is still with me, her husband, her family.