When a child dies,
families mourn and begin the long process of bereavement. The many
different emotions often experienced by bereaved families include shock,
disbelief, sadness, loneliness, depression, fear, anger, regret, guilt,
despair, and personal loss. These feelings are all part of the emotional
reaction called “grief.” Feelings of grief may be overwhelmingly
intense, and each family member may approach them differently. Some tend
to keep feelings inside, while others are able to express their grief
easily and openly.
The
Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate
Friends® (TCF) is a self-help support organization which has a mission to assist
bereaved families toward the positive resolution of grief following the
death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be
supportive.
The secret of The
Compassionate Friends is simple: As seasoned grievers reach out to the
newly bereaved, energy that has been directed inward begins to flow
outward, and both are helped to heal.
Membership
The Compassionate
Friends is open to all families that have experienced the death of a
child from any cause, at any age, from pre-birth to adulthood. The term
“member” is used loosely by TCF—there are no individual membership dues
or fees of any kind.
The Compassionate
Friends is funded by voluntary gifts from individuals, donations from
the business and philanthropic communities, annual membership fees and
patron donations from chapters, and by TCF Foundation, established to
accept larger donations in support of TCF, Inc. Since The Compassionate
Friends is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization, all donations are
tax-deductible.
The Compassionate
Friends has no religious affiliation, although many local chapters do
meet in church facilities.
The National
Organization
Much of the work of
The Compassionate Friends national organization takes place in the Oak
Brook, Illinois, National Office, where a small administrative staff
supports the executive director. More than 30 TCF-created brochures, as
well as the quarterly TCF national magazine, We Need Not Walk Alone®,
are available through the office.
In addition to
providing assistance in the formation of new chapters, TCF's National
Office offers numerous support services for existing chapters. A
complete leadership website is maintained by the national organization
to support the volunteers involved with local chapters, as well as a
network of regional coordinators (RCs) who work with the chapters. The
national organization also provides chapter leadership training programs
around the country. The Compassionate Friends holds a national
conference each year that attracts as many as 1,500 participants and
includes additional leadership training for chapter volunteers and
regional coordinators.
The Compassionate
Friend’s national website is a source not only of comfort for bereaved
families, but also of information for both the public and TCF members.
The website includes the Online Support Community (OSC) program, with
volunteer trained moderators, designed to provide a nonjudgmental online
support atmosphere for those wishing to talk about their grief. The
Online Support Community is an example of how volunteers within The
Compassionate Friends play an important role nationally as well as
locally. Available without charge by subscription from the website is
The Compassionate Friend’s e-newsletter, which provides information on
current activities going on within the organization.
The most important
activity in the office, however, is that of responding to the thousands
of calls, letters, and e-mails received each year from bereaved families
or their friends, and professionals, seeking solace and guidance. Each
one is answered individually by a staff member.
In 1997, The
Compassionate Friends initiated an annual Worldwide Candle Lighting® and has made it a gift to the bereavement community. The Compassionate
Friends invites allied organizations and all people around the globe to
join hearts in this meaningful event, held each year on the second
Sunday of December, by lighting candles at 7 P.M. in their local time
zone to honor all children who have died . . . that their light may
always shine®.
An annual Walk to
Remember® is sponsored and held the final day of each national conference, where
up to 1,500 family members and friends walk in remembrance of all
children whose lives have been cut short.
The
Local Chapter
The Compassionate
Friends reaches individuals through 600 local chapters, each made
up of parents and other family members who have been bereaved for
various lengths of time. The more seasoned chapter members volunteer in
leadership roles, helping and comforting newly bereaved members.
Chapters are found
in small towns and in large cities. Ethnic backgrounds as well as
economic circumstances of members vary widely. Monthly chapter meetings
range in size from just a few people to more than a hundred; chapter
meetings with larger attendance break up into smaller sharing groups.
Chapters regularly publish newsletters, maintain lending libraries,
provide telephone support, and conduct remembrance programs and other
activities at no charge to members.
In conjunction with
the Worldwide Candle Lighting, a large number of chapters hold memorial
services. Many chapters also sponsor concurrent walks on the same day as
the national Walk to Remember. A number of chapters also sponsor teams
in the Friends Asking Friends®
virtual walk, a fundraising program that supports TCF programs on a
national as well as a local level.
The
Chapter Meeting
Sharing with others
is the very heart of TCF chapter meetings. Chapter meetings are havens
where members feel free to talk about their children who have died; the
emotions they are going through; the painful, thoughtless comments that
may have been made to them; their feelings of sadness, guilt, or
anger—subjects no one else wants to hear them talk about. They discuss
the progress they are making and ways of coping that have been helpful
to them.
With the guidance
and reassurance of members who are farther along in their grief journey,
gradually— sometimes over a period of many months or several
years—members learn how to survive what has happened, find a “new
normal,” and begin to rebuild their lives.
The Compassionate
Friends is not a therapy group, nor are chapter meetings “therapy”
sessions. Yet healing is slowly and gently promoted as families gain
insight into and understanding of the grief process. At chapter meetings
members learn they are not alone in facing this terrible tragedy—others
have also faced the isolation and desperation the loss of a child can
bring.
Families that feel
they are coping effectively with their loss, as well as those
discouraged by a lack of progress, find attending meetings to be
helpful. While there are no instant solutions, no easy answers, and no
timetable for grieving, there is comfort in the sense of direction found
through knowledge and understanding of the grief experience. Bereaved
families are able to find hope, healing, and the will to survive.
Origin
and Growth
The Compassionate
Friends was founded in England in 1969 by Reverend Simon Stephens, a
newly ordained assistant chaplain at the Coventry and Warwickshire
Hospital. Through the deaths of two young boys at the hospital, their
parents met, and a meaningful friendship developed.
Reverend Stephens
saw the special way these parents were able to help one another.
Concluding that they were better support to one another than he could
ever be, Simon Stephens worked with them to form an organization that
would offer support and understanding to other bereaved parents
throughout the United Kingdom.
The first TCF
chapter in the United States was organized in Miami, Florida, in 1972.
Incorporated in 1978 as a nonprofit organization, The Compassionate
Friends has grown to include chapters in nearly 600 communities
throughout the country with chapters in all 50 United States plus
Washington, D.C., and Puerto Rico. The Compassionate Friends has a
presence in approximately 30 countries around the world, making it the
largest self-help bereavement organization in existence today.
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The Compassionate
Friends publishes the following brochures on understanding the grief of
families following the death of a child:
When a Child Dies . . .
The Compassionate Friends Can Help
Principles of The Compassionate Friends
Understanding Grief When Your Child Dies*
You Need Not Walk Alone
Stillbirth, Miscarriage, and Infant Death*
The Sudden Death of a Child*
Surviving Your Child’s Suicide
When Your Child Dies by Homicide
The Death of an Adult Child
Death of a Special-Needs Child
Adults Grieving the Death of a Sibling
When a Brother or Sister Dies*
Caring for Surviving Children*
Parents Who Are Now Childless
The Grief of Grandparents
The Grief of Stepparents
How Can I Help?
When an Employee Is Grieving
When a Coworker Is Grieving
Suggestions for First Responders . . . Dealing with
the Sudden Death of a Child
Suggestions for Medical Personnel
Suggestions for Psychologists, Counselors, and
Therapists
When a Law Officer Responds to the Death
of a Child
Suggestions for Teachers and School Counselors
Suggestions for Clergy
Suggestions for Funeral Directors
*Available in
Spanish/Disponible en español
©2007 The Compassionate Friends, USA - All rights reserved
These materials are protected by U. S. COPYRIGHT and are provided here for personal use only.
Reproduction for mass distribution or for use on any website is prohibited.
TCF brochures may be purchased at a nominal cost through The Compassionate Friends grief resources section at
Exclusive Items from The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends
P. O. Box 3696, Oak Brook IL 60522-3696
Phone (toll-free): (877) 969-0010 Fax: (630) 990-0246
www.compassionatefriends.org
E-mail: nationaloffice@compassionatefriends.org
The Compassionate Friends Home Page
The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution
of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive.
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