| Therapists can be an integral
part of a family member’s grief recovery after the family has suffered
the death of a child. It is, therefore, of vital importance that
therapists be aware of the severity and significance of this grief.
Having a child die within a family is an unnatural occurrence and the
grief accompanying this catastrophic loss is complicated and
comprehensive. Some grief responses, viewed as pathological are, in fact, normal for this monumental loss. Guilt (real or imagined), depression, loneliness, anger, desperation, and suicidal feelings are all common in the grief of a bereaved parent, sibling, or grandparent. Normalizing these intense feelings is the primary role of the therapist and ultimately should lead toward healing. Priorities and belief systems often change drastically. Family roles, many developed over a lifetime, may be reversed and/or eradicated. A bereaved family member’s emotional equilibrium is skewed at best and shattered at worst. The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child and to provide information to help others be supportive. This is by no means an easy challenge and multiple support systems can be very helpful. The significance of the therapeutic relationship cannot be overestimated. Creating a safe environment for the bereaved to express their grief is imperative. Many bereaved parents find comfort in talking to others who have shared the same experience. The Compassionate Friends, as a peer-to-peer support organization, is able to fill this need, offering friendship, understanding, and hope to bereaved families that have experienced the death of a child. Most Frequently Asked Questions by Psychologists, Therapists, and Counselors 1. How would attending a meeting of The Compassionate Friends benefit my clients? Tens of thousands of families have benefited from their association with TCF. Comments commonly heard include “I thought I was alone until I attended a meeting with others who had lost a child,” and “I thought I had lost my mind until I talked with others who said they’d had the same thoughts and feelings.” Validation in the midst of this unique grief experience is important. 2. Will my clients be charged for the meetings? No. TCF is a nonprofit organization funded mainly by donations. Your client will not be pressured in any way to donate to the organization or the chapter. 3. What makes The Compassionate Friends different from therapy? TCF is a peer-to-peer model which has shown great success in both the U.S. and abroad. The secret of this success is simple: As seasoned grievers reach out to the newly bereaved, energy that has been directed inward begins to flow outward and both are helped to heal. The vision of The Compassionate Friends is that everyone who needs us will find us, and everyone who finds us will be helped. 4. When is a Compassionate Friends referral appropriate? It is difficult to give an exact answer to this question. Some people attend meetings shortly after the death of a child, while others show up years after the death wanting to deal with unresolved issues. 5. Who leads the groups? Bereaved parents, grandparents, or siblings lead the groups. Generally those eligible to lead a chapter must be at least 18 months past their loss to ensure they have the experience and insight necessary to help the more newly bereaved. 6. Are leaders trained and if so, how? Chapter Leadership Training Programs (CLTPs) are given three times per year across the country with an additional training program available at TCF’s annual national conference. 7. How often do groups meet? Chapters usually meet monthly. There are additional opportunities for support through TCF’s National Office; TCF’s national magazine, We Need Not Walk Alone; regional and national conferences; TCF’s e-newsletter, national website, and Online Support Community; and individual chapter websites, newsletters, and local telephone support. 8. How can my clients find out about meetings? They should call TCF’s National Office at 877-969-0010 for referral or visit TCF’s national website at www.compassionatefriends.org for the nearest location and to learn more about the organization. 9. I have had good experiences sending clients to The Compassionate Friends and I would like a client to go, but he/she is resistant. Do you have any suggestions? Going to the first meeting can be difficult. If your client is agreeable, you can contact TCF’s National Office and we will be happy to send out a custom “bereaved parent/sibling/grandparent packet” along with full contact information for the local chapter. Your client is welcome to bring a support person to the first meeting. 10. My client went to a meeting once and is reluctant to go back although I can see that he/she benefited from the experience. What advice should I offer? When sending clients to The Compassionate Friends, we suggest that you advise them, as we do, to attend at least three meetings before deciding if the meetings work for them, as the first meeting can be very intense because of the emotions that are expressed. 11. I am seeing a couple where one spouse attends, but the other refuses to go. What would you suggest? It is not unusual for one spouse to attend and not the other. We encourage our members to realize that we all grieve differently and in our own time. What is helpful to one person may not be the best for another. 12. Does The Compassionate Friends have any problems with clients I might send who are on antidepressants or other medications? TCF does not take a stand on medications of any kind. This issue is between the individual and their health care providers. 13. Who can I refer? Bereaved parents (or guardians), siblings, and grandparents are welcome to attend meetings. Some chapters have subgroups for siblings. It is recommended that siblings be 18 years of age to participate in a regular meeting or 14 to participate in a sibling subgroup meeting. 14. I am seeing a very high profile client. What is TCF’s confidentiality policy for those attending meetings? What is said in a meeting stays in the meeting. Many high-profile persons have attended TCF meetings after the death of a child, and no complaints have ever been registered regarding a breach of confidence. 15. Can therapists or students observe your meetings? Our chapters are frequently asked by professionals, students, authors, researchers, and others if they may attend the monthly meetings. Due to privacy issues and the sensitive nature of the discussions, meetings are restricted to those who have suffered the loss of a child. However, regional and national conferences are generally open to all who wish to register. Let Us Work Together We hope this brochure has been helpful in answering your questions and understanding how The Compassionate Friends might be helpful to you in your work with those who have suffered the loss of a child. We appreciate all those professionals who work in this very difficult field. Just as not every bereaved family member will have their needs completely served by counseling, not every bereaved family member will be completely served by involvement in a support group. Oftentimes the knowledgeable combination of the two can strengthen the therapeutic relationship and help most to reach a point of acceptance that can allow true healing to take place. About The Compassionate Friends The Compassionate Friends is the nation’s largest self-help bereavement organization with a mission “to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive.” TCF has approximately 600 chapters serving all 50 states plus Washington D.C. and Puerto Rico. Every month 15,000 bereaved parents, siblings, and grandparents attend chapter meetings while outreach is provided to 200,000 bereaved families and professionals through chapter newsletters, websites, phone calls, letters, and personal visits. For more information, visit www.compassionatefriends.org or call 877-969-0010.
©2007 The Compassionate Friends, USA - All rights reserved The Compassionate Friends The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution
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